|
Jokes
Oct 9, 2008 14:17:26 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Oct 9, 2008 14:17:26 GMT -5
An Essex Girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the red one." The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 17, 2008 9:05:18 GMT -5
Post by RickyKnoCCout on Oct 17, 2008 9:05:18 GMT -5
Sean walks into the clase club sits down and orders shot after shot of tequila, on his tenth shot the bartender says,
damn sean r u celebrating somethin?
sean says yeah my first blow job,
the bartender says oh shit congrats let me buy you another shot.
sean says, man if the first ten shots didnt get the taste out my mouth what makes you think this shot will.
|
|
|
Jokes
Apr 15, 2009 10:36:10 GMT -5
Post by Pasty ! on Apr 15, 2009 10:36:10 GMT -5
This happened at a major Australian University , during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'. Had to post it, it's a classic!
|
|
|
Jokes
Jun 4, 2009 10:54:44 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jun 4, 2009 10:54:44 GMT -5
Cristiano ronaldo walks into a bar... ...then dives on the floor and rolls around for hours crying in pain until he gets some fucking attention
|
|
|
Jokes
Jun 4, 2009 14:32:26 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jun 4, 2009 14:32:26 GMT -5
I bought a racehorse today. I've decided to call him "My Face". I don't care if he doesn't win a race or make me money.I just wanna hear thousnds or posh fuckin tarts at Ascot shouting "Come on my face".
|
|
|
Jokes
Jun 25, 2009 17:45:56 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jun 25, 2009 17:45:56 GMT -5
What's Michael Jackson and Newcastle United got in common?
They're both black and white and going under
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 1, 2009 18:31:21 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Oct 1, 2009 18:31:21 GMT -5
I was asked to do a 10k 'fun run'. I said "piss off". They said "come on, its for spastics and blind kids". Then I thought .............fuck it, I could win this....
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 9, 2009 8:24:56 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Oct 9, 2009 8:24:56 GMT -5
The best name in English football at the moment has to Swansea's Angel Rangel. It takes me back to the days when glam rock ruled the world and the main protagonists had offspring called Rolan Bolan and Zowie Bowie. Let's hope James Blunt doesn't jump on the bandwagon
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 12, 2009 6:08:05 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Oct 12, 2009 6:08:05 GMT -5
A mate of mine tells me hes shagging his girlfriend an her twin. I said, "How do u tell them apart" he said, " Her brothers got the moustache".
|
|
|
Jokes
Nov 6, 2009 13:01:26 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Nov 6, 2009 13:01:26 GMT -5
a asylum seeker is at the wine section at tesco's he goes over to a shop assistant and asks if she knows a decent port she said yes Dover now fuck off
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 5, 2010 9:50:00 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jan 5, 2010 9:50:00 GMT -5
FERGIE IS AT THE BAR WITH SIMON GRAYSON, AND AFTER 3 DRINKS SIMON SAYS... YOU BETTER F'CK OFF NOW ITS THE 4TH ROUND !!
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 5, 2010 18:04:17 GMT -5
Post by RickyKnoCCout on Jan 5, 2010 18:04:17 GMT -5
LOL Good joke
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 7, 2010 11:32:46 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jan 7, 2010 11:32:46 GMT -5
i was in tescos earlier Had 2 full trollies of shopping and booze when a little old lady came doddering up got behind me in the queue. She only had a pint of milk, so I said to her: "Is that all you've got, love?"
"Yes dear." She replied.
So I decided to do the decent thing and said: "If I were you love, I'd fuck off to another till, I'm gonna be ages."
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 31, 2010 20:06:15 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Jan 31, 2010 20:06:15 GMT -5
Bridge bought his bird a chocolate cock for her birthday but she said she didn't like cadbury's.... she'd rather have terry's
|
|
|
Jokes
Feb 1, 2010 17:16:19 GMT -5
Post by sean tomkins on Feb 1, 2010 17:16:19 GMT -5
chelsea player aliu djalo wrote this on his facebook - capello's just phoned wayne bridge up and said ''ive just spoken to terry and he's lost the captains armband. do me a favour and have a good look under ur bed to see if you can find it'
|
|